liberazoth | oh, rebelling sound of young wings, they still embrace the name of the blowing wind;

He didn't.

[ ...

'won't do it, or can't do it. do you understand the difference between them?
not doing, even when you can. not being able to because you can't.
even if all hope is lost in this world, no one can waste one's life.
... like you'd understand what i'm saying anyway.'

is this what powerlessness feels like? this place has them at a disadvantage. they still know so little about everything here... ]

Do you think things will get worse, going forward?

[ What it be like from now on? Will they all begin to doubt each other, wondering what facades everyone else is putting on? Will this first spillage of blood lead to even more?

It's an answer that he doesn't like, but he's confident in it. ]

...I do. We can't go back to what little peace we felt before, not anymore. It's all changed for the worse, whether we like it or not.

[ And he's not so confident that they won't wake up to another murder in just a couple of days. ]

Have you thought about what you'll do about it?

... I'd had a bit of an idea, if it really did turn out that we need to spill blood for the fruits that will allow people to go home. If that's even what they'll really do.

But ... I'm not sure it's even slightly a decent idea anymore.

[ because kurapika's concerns in the metatext are echoed in vayne- will the fact that they were all so fooled by sora's facade lead them to end up spiraling before they can figure anything out...? ]

All I know is that I want to help everyone out of this. Beyond that ... I don't know.

We want similar things. I want to stay alive and help as many others leave here alive too.

[ He has goals to accomplish, after all, and he can't achieve those if he's dead. ]

If a number of us are determined to keep that mindset... we might be able to achieve something. One of us is bound to stumble upon something at some point, so long as we keep looking.

[ Kurapika isn't a particularly optimistic person, but he knows what a good mindset can accomplish.

But speaking of stumbling upon things— ]

What was your idea?

If there was no other option, I would have offered.

[ vayne isn't exactly the most willful of those gathered here, too prone to self-doubt and timidity usually, but there's no hesitation in the words he speaks now. ]

If it came down to it, and spilling blood was truly necessary for people to leave... I would have offered.

[ but ... haha. as it turns out, some people are entirely too bloodthirsty. ]

Do you value yourself so little, Vayne?

[ Not that Kurapika isn't the same—the only reason why he wouldn't offer is because he has a goal he's set out to accomplish, a goal that he'll gladly shave years off of his life to accomplish. But just because his reasons are selfish doesn't mean he doesn't also place little value on his own livelihood.

He's a hypocrite for even asking Vayne that question, but he doesn't care about being a hypocrite. ]

Or is it that you value everyone else's safety above anything else?

I don't know. The latter for sure ... but maybe it's both.

[ if he's to be completely honest, perhaps. there's a flicker of uncertainty in his eyes before he closes them. takes a breath. releases it.

in for a penny, out for a pound. ]

What if I told you ... I was something dangerous? The kind of something that people apparently would be willing to fight over.

I don't want to be the reason my friends get hurt, all because someone else was trying to get to me. If I can keep them safe from that ... I would.

[ ...Ah.

It's strange, understanding exactly how Vayne feels, albeit for different reasons. ]

And if I told you I understand, at least on some level? I don't have anyone hunting after me, but rather I'd rather not let a friend die just so I could reach my goals.

Have you not resolved to protect them instead, rather than letting them lose you?

... honestly, if something happened, I could probably even ... no, I know I could fix it. I've already had to, once. But undoing damage done ... isn't the same as it not happening in the first place. If they're hurt or killed because of me, they'll still remember that it happened in the first place.

Is that something that they should really have to be worried about for as long as they know me...? Is it really fair for them to always have that as something hanging over them...?

...Don't you think they stick with you because they want to? Sometimes, your friends will accept the risk to them anyway, because they think it's worth it.

[ His words prickle at something at the back of his mind—a fuzziness covering some sort of resolve that Kurapika felt from his own friends. But what was that resolve, exactly...?

He knows the result, and that's what matters, so he'll use that as an example instead of trying to dig into that fuzziness further. ]

You know, my friends helped me take someone more powerful than the four of us combined hostage simply because they wanted to help me. If your friends are still with you, then I think they're fine dealing with whatever happens as it comes.

[ ... ]

But knowing that and accepting it are two separate things. It's why I almost always work alone.

Logically, I understand, but ...

[ knowing that and accepting it sure are two different things.

though it's strange, because it'd seemed so clear what he needed to do before. before he arrived here, that is, but now...

is it that disconnect most of them seem to have from important parts of themselves...? is that why he's unsure of his course again? there's no happy future waiting for him; the others who know have already rejected or are afraid of him. he can't see it getting much better...

(though there's an odd, nagging feeling in him at the notion of knowing there's nothing he can look forward to. a faint fuzziness, a blank space he can't grasp the shape of. but if there's an emptiness there, then surely it was nothing?)

... ]

Them knowing is new. Me knowing is new. We only just found out I'm someone who shouldn't exist very recently, but maybe, looking back, it ... explains a lot of things. And I ... I don't even really know what I'm doing. Even if they want to stay, it's terrifying knowing that I might be the one to hurt them accidentally.

…It is. Nothing terrifies me more than the thought of accidentally hurting one of my friends.

[ He closes his eyes for a moment, letting himself imagine it… and quickly letting the thought go. Frustration from the trial still has him on edge, and he can’t allow his emotions to get out of control. ]

That’s why I’ve chosen to operate alone, for the most part. I employ the people who help me, because I feel they at least get something out of it.

[ He looks over at Vayne, his lips set in a frown. ]

Being alone isn’t easy, but do you think that would be better? Or are you set on sacrificing yourself as a way to solve your problem instead? You have choices outside of that option, even if you don’t want to put them in danger. Look at the gray areas rather than deciding on the most extreme option.

... I don't know anymore. Maybe I'll remember why I was so certain I had to disappear if we ... once we regain our memories.

Or maybe the only reason I think this way at all is because we've lost them ... I know that might be possible too, at least. But it doesn't change what my heart wants right now ...

[ logic and emotion are such disparate things, and in the end, it really does just come down to ... what does he want? what does he truly desire? ]

I get it, though. You've made your point, even if I might not really get it. For now ... I can try to stay alive until the end of this. If only because ...

If we can reach the powers that all of us have been blocked off from... I might be able to bring them back.

[ He can't fault Vayne for it, not when Kurapika doesn't really get it himself either. There's nothing and no one for him to return to, and so living after he completes his goals... it doesn't matter so much. ]

It's a power that I and everyone else would be thankful for, I can promise you that.

[ Some might not be happy about culprits coming back, but Kurapika sees it as a righting of the very first wrong—everyone being taken from their worlds. ]

Is it that power that causes people to come after you?

... the kind of potential it implies, yes. "The power to restore life with just a wish can take it away just as easily. Used inappropriately, it can..."

[ he echoes, reciting someone else's words from a scene kurapika wasn't present for, letting himself trail off before finishing. he wouldn't, is the thing. he wouldn't do that. he doesn't want to hurt anyone.

but if someone had one of his friends, and it was them or a stranger, or even many strangers... what would he do? where would he draw the line? if he was placed in the kinds of positions where his only options would be two impossible choices? if someone were find out what he was, were to send him a message and threaten unthinkable things until they forced his agreement?

(or maybe he wouldn't even have the choice. what does he know about the depths people can stoop to? he's been alone for so long.) ]

... Nothing's happened yet. That I know of, anyway. But I'm not sure I'm being too hasty, not when people like Faldeus talk about how they've heard of rituals like this one. Except the people who were there were there willingly, all because they thought it would give them the chance to make even just one wish.

[ that's the nature of the power he has. ]

...No, you're not being too hasty. People covet power like that in just about any world. In mine, Hunters would be after you all the time, so long as going after you wasn't declared illegal.

[ Which is possible—his world does have rules for things like that, after all. ]

Unique, nearly all encompassing power is tempting to many. But I think you're probably the best kind of person to have it anyway. Of course you could use it inappropriately, but would you, when push comes to shove...? I doubt it.

[ He thinks Vayne is pretty easy to read, at least on the surface. Unless this is another Sora situation, he doesn't think Vayne is someone who could be so easily pushed to wreak havoc. He's seemed nothing but honest, and the fact that he's willing to tell Kurapika this much speaks to that. ]

[ ... ]

[ a small, somewhat self-conscious laugh. ]

That's ... kind of a lot of confidence to have in a person you barely know, you know.

Edited 2024-03-11 04:44 (UTC)

You're willing to die so you don't hurt anyone and you're telling all of this to me when you barely know anything about me either. What if I used that against you?

[ He smiles a little bit. ]

I am a Bounty Hunter, you know.

[ The kind of person Vayne should be cautious of, right? ]

... Then I guess I'll know who to call if I can't manage it by myself.

[ there's a wry sort of levity in his tone this time; it's a joke, even if dark. ]

Besides ... I might not know much about you, but I don't think everyone would react to me saying that by telling me to think about doing something else. Not in a place like this.

[ he's not so naive to think that the sort of picture he makes- a would-be willing victim, offering up his life of his own accord- isn't something that others wouldn't snap up immediately, whether because of pragmatism or opportunism. ]

[ It's a dark joke, but it makes him smile nevertheless. Joking about it makes it easier to swallow. ]

It might be contradictory to being a Bounty Hunter, but I don't like death, especially when it's related to someone who cares a lot about other people. We need people like you around.

[ And people like Kurapika need to be reminded that there are those out there who will put others before them. ]

I guess it's a good thing you chose to tell me, though. I agree that there are plenty of others here who would've seen that as an opportunity for themself.

You're pretty honest in your own way, aren't you?

[ straightforward, rather. kurapika certainly doesn't mince words, or beat around the bush. of course, perhaps kurapika could be lying to him still, a longer deception akin to sora's, but in that case, vayne's earlier words still stand. ]

With any luck, I hope ... No, I want to see everyone through to the end of this. No matter who they are, or what they've done here.

[ he has no illusions about everyone necessarily being friends, or forgiving the culprits- but he can't be the one to make the judgment call on who lives or who dies. forcing their complicity in the votes is already bad enough as it is. ]

[ It's easier being honest, he's found. Even back on the boat in that game of death, honesty is what continued to keep his charge alive. ]

You said I don't know you at all, but you're still so forthcoming in your kindness anyway.

[ It's almost naïve, though it doesn't mean Kurapika respects it any less. He wishes he could still hold those values. ]

I won't stop you from reviving everyone if you get the chance, but I hold no pity for Sora and his execution.

[ Though with his frustration right at the end there... Kurapika is sure that much is obvious. ]

I'm not expecting that. I don't understand him either. I think he's done something terrible, and wasn't even sorry for it.

[ simply. if you want to see people happy and well... you have to try to offer some amount of empathy, don't you? vayne tried, at the end there, to know and understand why even if he doesn't agree, but...

hypocrite it might make him in a way, but he can't understand that lack of regard for life. ]

I just don't think I should be the one to decide whether or not he has to stay here, if everyone else goes free. Whether or not he does or doesn't deserve to come back, or... anything like that.

[ ... ]

Besides, that's assuming I even get the chance, anyway.

[ …Hm. ]

I hadn’t thought of it that way. I guess it really shouldn’t be on us to be the arbiters of justice, should it?

[ Is it concerning he hadn’t thought differently until now? Yes, but his concern thus far has been living through this. The ethics were lost on him… even if they wouldn’t have been only a couple of years ago.

He falls quiet. ]

You know, I had been thinking of death for a death. [ He glances at Vayne. ] But that’s no way to run a peaceful town.

oh, rebelling sound of young wings, they still embrace the name of the blowing wind;

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cw: suicidal intent/ideation.............

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