liberazoth | oh, rebelling sound of young wings, they still embrace the name of the blowing wind;

... honestly, if something happened, I could probably even ... no, I know I could fix it. I've already had to, once. But undoing damage done ... isn't the same as it not happening in the first place. If they're hurt or killed because of me, they'll still remember that it happened in the first place.

Is that something that they should really have to be worried about for as long as they know me...? Is it really fair for them to always have that as something hanging over them...?

...Don't you think they stick with you because they want to? Sometimes, your friends will accept the risk to them anyway, because they think it's worth it.

[ His words prickle at something at the back of his mind—a fuzziness covering some sort of resolve that Kurapika felt from his own friends. But what was that resolve, exactly...?

He knows the result, and that's what matters, so he'll use that as an example instead of trying to dig into that fuzziness further. ]

You know, my friends helped me take someone more powerful than the four of us combined hostage simply because they wanted to help me. If your friends are still with you, then I think they're fine dealing with whatever happens as it comes.

[ ... ]

But knowing that and accepting it are two separate things. It's why I almost always work alone.

Logically, I understand, but ...

[ knowing that and accepting it sure are two different things.

though it's strange, because it'd seemed so clear what he needed to do before. before he arrived here, that is, but now...

is it that disconnect most of them seem to have from important parts of themselves...? is that why he's unsure of his course again? there's no happy future waiting for him; the others who know have already rejected or are afraid of him. he can't see it getting much better...

(though there's an odd, nagging feeling in him at the notion of knowing there's nothing he can look forward to. a faint fuzziness, a blank space he can't grasp the shape of. but if there's an emptiness there, then surely it was nothing?)

... ]

Them knowing is new. Me knowing is new. We only just found out I'm someone who shouldn't exist very recently, but maybe, looking back, it ... explains a lot of things. And I ... I don't even really know what I'm doing. Even if they want to stay, it's terrifying knowing that I might be the one to hurt them accidentally.

…It is. Nothing terrifies me more than the thought of accidentally hurting one of my friends.

[ He closes his eyes for a moment, letting himself imagine it… and quickly letting the thought go. Frustration from the trial still has him on edge, and he can’t allow his emotions to get out of control. ]

That’s why I’ve chosen to operate alone, for the most part. I employ the people who help me, because I feel they at least get something out of it.

[ He looks over at Vayne, his lips set in a frown. ]

Being alone isn’t easy, but do you think that would be better? Or are you set on sacrificing yourself as a way to solve your problem instead? You have choices outside of that option, even if you don’t want to put them in danger. Look at the gray areas rather than deciding on the most extreme option.

... I don't know anymore. Maybe I'll remember why I was so certain I had to disappear if we ... once we regain our memories.

Or maybe the only reason I think this way at all is because we've lost them ... I know that might be possible too, at least. But it doesn't change what my heart wants right now ...

[ logic and emotion are such disparate things, and in the end, it really does just come down to ... what does he want? what does he truly desire? ]

I get it, though. You've made your point, even if I might not really get it. For now ... I can try to stay alive until the end of this. If only because ...

If we can reach the powers that all of us have been blocked off from... I might be able to bring them back.

[ He can't fault Vayne for it, not when Kurapika doesn't really get it himself either. There's nothing and no one for him to return to, and so living after he completes his goals... it doesn't matter so much. ]

It's a power that I and everyone else would be thankful for, I can promise you that.

[ Some might not be happy about culprits coming back, but Kurapika sees it as a righting of the very first wrong—everyone being taken from their worlds. ]

Is it that power that causes people to come after you?

... the kind of potential it implies, yes. "The power to restore life with just a wish can take it away just as easily. Used inappropriately, it can..."

[ he echoes, reciting someone else's words from a scene kurapika wasn't present for, letting himself trail off before finishing. he wouldn't, is the thing. he wouldn't do that. he doesn't want to hurt anyone.

but if someone had one of his friends, and it was them or a stranger, or even many strangers... what would he do? where would he draw the line? if he was placed in the kinds of positions where his only options would be two impossible choices? if someone were find out what he was, were to send him a message and threaten unthinkable things until they forced his agreement?

(or maybe he wouldn't even have the choice. what does he know about the depths people can stoop to? he's been alone for so long.) ]

... Nothing's happened yet. That I know of, anyway. But I'm not sure I'm being too hasty, not when people like Faldeus talk about how they've heard of rituals like this one. Except the people who were there were there willingly, all because they thought it would give them the chance to make even just one wish.

[ that's the nature of the power he has. ]

...No, you're not being too hasty. People covet power like that in just about any world. In mine, Hunters would be after you all the time, so long as going after you wasn't declared illegal.

[ Which is possible—his world does have rules for things like that, after all. ]

Unique, nearly all encompassing power is tempting to many. But I think you're probably the best kind of person to have it anyway. Of course you could use it inappropriately, but would you, when push comes to shove...? I doubt it.

[ He thinks Vayne is pretty easy to read, at least on the surface. Unless this is another Sora situation, he doesn't think Vayne is someone who could be so easily pushed to wreak havoc. He's seemed nothing but honest, and the fact that he's willing to tell Kurapika this much speaks to that. ]

[ ... ]

[ a small, somewhat self-conscious laugh. ]

That's ... kind of a lot of confidence to have in a person you barely know, you know.

Edited 2024-03-11 04:44 (UTC)

You're willing to die so you don't hurt anyone and you're telling all of this to me when you barely know anything about me either. What if I used that against you?

[ He smiles a little bit. ]

I am a Bounty Hunter, you know.

[ The kind of person Vayne should be cautious of, right? ]

... Then I guess I'll know who to call if I can't manage it by myself.

[ there's a wry sort of levity in his tone this time; it's a joke, even if dark. ]

Besides ... I might not know much about you, but I don't think everyone would react to me saying that by telling me to think about doing something else. Not in a place like this.

[ he's not so naive to think that the sort of picture he makes- a would-be willing victim, offering up his life of his own accord- isn't something that others wouldn't snap up immediately, whether because of pragmatism or opportunism. ]

[ It's a dark joke, but it makes him smile nevertheless. Joking about it makes it easier to swallow. ]

It might be contradictory to being a Bounty Hunter, but I don't like death, especially when it's related to someone who cares a lot about other people. We need people like you around.

[ And people like Kurapika need to be reminded that there are those out there who will put others before them. ]

I guess it's a good thing you chose to tell me, though. I agree that there are plenty of others here who would've seen that as an opportunity for themself.

You're pretty honest in your own way, aren't you?

[ straightforward, rather. kurapika certainly doesn't mince words, or beat around the bush. of course, perhaps kurapika could be lying to him still, a longer deception akin to sora's, but in that case, vayne's earlier words still stand. ]

With any luck, I hope ... No, I want to see everyone through to the end of this. No matter who they are, or what they've done here.

[ he has no illusions about everyone necessarily being friends, or forgiving the culprits- but he can't be the one to make the judgment call on who lives or who dies. forcing their complicity in the votes is already bad enough as it is. ]

[ It's easier being honest, he's found. Even back on the boat in that game of death, honesty is what continued to keep his charge alive. ]

You said I don't know you at all, but you're still so forthcoming in your kindness anyway.

[ It's almost naïve, though it doesn't mean Kurapika respects it any less. He wishes he could still hold those values. ]

I won't stop you from reviving everyone if you get the chance, but I hold no pity for Sora and his execution.

[ Though with his frustration right at the end there... Kurapika is sure that much is obvious. ]

I'm not expecting that. I don't understand him either. I think he's done something terrible, and wasn't even sorry for it.

[ simply. if you want to see people happy and well... you have to try to offer some amount of empathy, don't you? vayne tried, at the end there, to know and understand why even if he doesn't agree, but...

hypocrite it might make him in a way, but he can't understand that lack of regard for life. ]

I just don't think I should be the one to decide whether or not he has to stay here, if everyone else goes free. Whether or not he does or doesn't deserve to come back, or... anything like that.

[ ... ]

Besides, that's assuming I even get the chance, anyway.

[ …Hm. ]

I hadn’t thought of it that way. I guess it really shouldn’t be on us to be the arbiters of justice, should it?

[ Is it concerning he hadn’t thought differently until now? Yes, but his concern thus far has been living through this. The ethics were lost on him… even if they wouldn’t have been only a couple of years ago.

He falls quiet. ]

You know, I had been thinking of death for a death. [ He glances at Vayne. ] But that’s no way to run a peaceful town.

I think ... if it were that easy, we wouldn't be talking about it all right now.

[ wouldn't that be nice, though, a world where the answers to things like justice were simple and certain. ]

Or ... something like that. I don't know. I'm not always the best with words, so.

[ there's no judgment from his part, in any case. he understands an eye for an eye, death for a death. it only makes sense that most people would prioritize their own survival in all of this. ]

[ He laughs. ]

You’re not the worst, though. Not even among the twenty-something of us left.

[ Kurapika would’ve called him out on it, as he’s prone to doing. It’s an unfortunate habit.

He falls silent again, turning over the thoughts of what justice could even mean here over in his head. What does it mean back home? What does it mean for his goals? ]

…What do you think of revenge? Is that a form of justice?

... I think you're asking the wrong person that question. I ... don't know if I can really answer that for you.

[ vayne, who would rather remove himself from a problem to deescalate than seek out the source of it. ]

If you really want an answer from me, I think ... it really would have to depend.

[ how far is someone going? in what context are they speaking? here, where the only justice is in the form of a mob making guesses and assumptions? elsewhere?

perhaps some forms of justice can satisfy a desire for revenge, but that doesn't necessarily transfer, going the opposite direction... ]

Right person or not, I'm interested in your thoughts.

[ He doesn't need a concrete answer—it's more of a thought exercise for him than anything else, now that he's in a situation where he has to administer justice for reasons that aren't personal. ]

Let me put it this way... is it justice if you hunt down the person that killed a loved one and kill them too?

... No, I don't think so. [ that part, at least, is decided upon more quickly than the other. ] But at the same time ...

[ vayne tries to imagine it. in that position, would he try to kill someone who'd killed a loved one? ... no, he wouldn't. he knows that.

but, that said... ]

I also don't know if I think that it's necessarily wrong.

[ which is just further reason he shouldn't be the theoretical arbiter of who gets to live, who gets to die, probably. ]

[ It's the answer he expected to hear, given what he's seen of Vayne's overall personality. Though the last thing he says surprises him, enough so that he pauses, bringing a hand up to his chin. ]

It's a difficult thing to decide, isn't it? I'm not sure whether it's right or wrong myself.

[ He's undecided, even after all this time. ]

I told you I was a Bounty Hunter, but the truth is that I'm hunting specific targets. I've even designed my own abilities and strengths around killing them.

[ He thinks that he's said enough that Vayne wouldn't need to guess why he has specific targets, but his tone is cool and almost neutral—questioning him about it isn't something he'll push back on. ]

[ ah... he's definitely lost someone. but vayne won't pry about who, unsure if it'll dig up more painful memories than it's worth.

instead. he glances distantly over towards the skeletons, gaze following the line of displays over to the fossils before returning to kurapika. ]

I can't imagine that training any sort of ability that specifically would be easy.

[ like, maybe in the world kurapika comes from, that sort of thing is simple. or, more likely, for the kind of focused determination kurapika seems to have, ]

You ... must have been working towards that goal for a while.

[ unspoken, unacknowledged: 'how long ago was it that you lost them?' ]

[ His eyes follow Vayne’s gaze, and when their eyes meet again, there’s a soft look of determination set in his eyes. It’s a long-set sort of determination, the sort that rumbles beneath the surface for years and years. ]

I swore revenge when I was twelve and came home to find my entire clan wiped out.

[ Kurapika’s right hand clenches into a fist, and he lifts that fist to relax it, momentarily staring down at his palm as if he’s looking at something that’s not present in this world. ]

I developed the abilities themselves when I was sixteen. I killed one of my targets a few months later.

[ He looks over at Vayne, gauging his reaction. ]

Ever since then, I’ve worked towards finding a way to target the rest, while working towards taking back what was stolen from my clan.

[ And over the years, he’s lost plenty of little pieces of himself along the way. Even as he recounts this, he doesn’t sound proud of it. ]

oh, rebelling sound of young wings, they still embrace the name of the blowing wind;

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cw suicidal ideation

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cw suicidal ideation mention

cw suicidal ideation mention again

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