liberazoth | nevertheless the people still sketch the flame of their undying lives;

[ the third morning after the first breaks, and after being a busy bee during the rest of the day vayne can be found ... in the adventurer's guild! with intent, it looks like; he seems to be going through the cabinets and actually putting together a pack with the assorted supplies recommended for this kind of expedition. an oil lamp in decent condition sits right off to the side of all this, and he seems to have picked out one of the swords in better condition, as it's set aside from the rest of the ones in the cabinets.

though he seems to be debating on the rope. are. are they going to need that for something. for what, finding their way back to the entrance, or having to rappel their way down a sheer drop? ]

I wonder how much of this someone would even need...

[ he muses out loud, to himself, glancing absently off to his side and down like it's a familiar habit. it's unclear whether he means to actually address anyone, but it doesn't seem like anyone else is present, and after a moment he seems to catch himself with a blink to refocus on the things in front of him. ]

Dunno, it depends on the terrain. If you have to rappel down straightaway, you'll be able to reuse the same piece a few times... unless you need to tie off to leave some behind to get back.

[Mio's interest in the mines has far less to do with what materials can be found there and more with her hope that there might be a passage that no one's considered, but her interest is piqued nonetheless. She is by no means a caver and only average when it comes to tactics, but she can handle a little forethought. She won't be rashly running into the mines based on mere optimism that some road to salvation might be down there. While she's already tested some of the blades (not Blades) here, right now her focus is on trying to see if it's even possible to plan a route into the mines.]

It's probably a good idea to have food and water. If you're too exhausted to climb out, those little phones might be your only hope of getting in touch with people still up here.]

I wonder how deep these mines might go, in that case. It'd be inconvenient if we ended up having to come back early because we ended up needing more supplies than we thought, or the lanterns burning out when we wanted to go further. Maybe we'll just have to do one part at a time ...

[ mio has the right idea, though. vayne's no expert caver either, but he's done his fair share of expeditions into the unknown to map it out and gather resources ~~and suddenly misses the standard jrpg quick travel options intensely~~. adela said there was no known exit by land or by water. they can't fly. but maybe, instead... ]

And ... I don't know.

If we're supposed to be growing this Astera as an offering to these spirits, or ... whatever they are, do you think there might be ruins buried somewhere that might tell us more about all of this?

[ if not an escape route, then might there be secrets hidden underground? a crumbling altar, a dais, some environmental storytelling scrawled haphazardly out on the wall detailing how exactly they screwed up and doomed the town for generations therefore? a stone coffin, a sealing array disturbed when it shouldn't have been?

he seems a little self-conscious suggesting it, though: ]

... Maybe it's just a silly thought.

[Pour one out for the fast-travel AND the easy-access maps... this would be much easier with a functioning Iris.

Just as Vayne is pulling back into his shell from the suggestion, Mio leans forward to seize on it.]

No! It's not silly at all. I think that theory could hold merit, even if we don't find remnants of whatever was here before. If it's really that expansive, someone might have hidden something there or left something behind.

[She sobers.] A memory of someone who's been down those paths before and isn't here to share it anymore.

Yeah ...

[ that sobers him real quickly too; he pauses while pulling out an extra length of rope to set aside. these farms are so haunted. ]

Miss Makima seemed pretty determined to learn more about this place. She's probably already been down here, in that case. Still, it can't hurt to look for anything hidden.

That's true. They both kept saying there were many things about the town that they didn't know. Since they chose to stay in town, I'd like to believe they have our best interests at heart... I can't help but wonder.

[She might have more thoughts on the matter, but maybe she's interested in hearing Vayne take on it all first, setting the floor for him to come in with his own take.]

[ and he'll offer it, after a moment of rummaging through the supplies to gather his thoughts. ]

... I wonder too.

In the end, we still don't actually know if the people who took the offer to leave ... Actually made it home or not. They could have chose to stay just because it was the safer option. Even though they don't know much about the town, they know more about it than they do the spirits, it sounds like.

You're right. We can't know the how of getting home when we haven't got a good handle on how we arrived here in the first place, either.

[She looks pensive. Mio knows how easy it is to fall into patterns just because you're told it's the thing things should be and how they've always been; she both completely believes that things could have unfolded the way they were told and suspects that things might be being downplayed as commonplace.]

Do you think it's strange at all to not see spirits that apparently have such extreme demands? I can't quite look at it rationally myself.

Where I'm from, there are beings who are invisible to those who don't have a certain aptitude for, ah, working with or partnering with them ... So I guess it's not too far-fetched to think we can't see these spirits normally.

[ that is, if they actually do exist. it really could go either way. they can choose not to believe both of the ladies, but that leaves them knowing nothing at all. or they can believe that everything told to them was truth in its entirety, and that they might not still be getting the whole story. but for what reason, though...?

(truths that might at the same time be lies of omission. ...not again.) ]

Still, this all would sound more like a bad ghost or horror story... if it weren't for how we're the ones stuck in it.

[ vayne is... surprisingly restless this weekend post trial, it turns out! and also not attending the afterparty erika is throwing.

(what's there to celebrate? what part of this is worth being happy about?)

but he also cannot head into the blacksmith to start actually doing anything with that nervous energy, since it hasn't been cleaned up from its status as a crime scene, so... that leaves him with too much energy, too many thoughts chasing themselves in pointless circles in his head, and more than a little unhappy mulling, on the subject of beelzebub's ultimate fate.

(what anyone's fate would be, really, if theirs was the name written most on the slips they submit every week. they can't really escape the responsibility of condemning someone every week, can they...?)

which is probably why and when they end up running into each other, and. well. ]

Oh. Mio...

[ she looks busy. he should give her some space, probably, considering... but, also. ]

... Um. If it's okay for me to ask ... How are you holding up?

[ if he's not wrong, she's only one of two left on her farm... isn't she? ]

That's totally fine, Vayne. I'm okay. Seriously!

[She's gotten used to it: Mio's deflections can at least mollify her friends, though she knows they're only convincing on the best of days. She knows the platitudes do more to keep everyone's chins up and facing forward than really convincing them she's all right. Squeezing every last droplet of strength out to fool herself, too.

She gestures toward the Joja Mart, a silent invitation for Vayne to walk with her as she goes.]

I think...it was for the best that we were able to find both people responsible this time. We were able to make a decision based on that.

... If you say so.

[ it's not convincing, but he knows the sound of someone trying not to dwell on the actual circumstances surrounding them. he knows it quite personally, in fact. he'll follow her after a moment, letting himself fall in step a few paces to the side at the invitation. ]

An informed decision is still better than the alternative, huh. Even when the decision is... what it is.

[ or maybe it's because the decision is what it is? either way, he lapses into silence for the span of a few paces before speaking up again ]

... What do you think of how Shinobu and Beelzebub handled ... everything?

I think... they both also made choices.

[Beelzebub's final decision, to throw himself down as the one whose name they should all cast, is maybe the most difficult for her to reconcile right now.

Mio begins scouring the aisles of the Joja Mart for things that might be used in spring cleaning or redecorating a house, lingering on rows of objects she hasn't had much reason to consider until now and mostly drawing blanks.]

The circumstances we're in put them in a position to make those choices, so even if I'm angry and confused... it's this whole place I have a problem with.

[ vayne is again quiet for a moment, because while it's clear that mio is unhappy about beelzebub ... honestly, vayne thinks he understands beelzebub's side of it. but that's neither here nor there, and easy enough to brush past by turning his attention to the shelves briefly. he notices the kinds of things mio is picking up, but doesn't yet comment on it. ]

... yeah. I ... definitely agree with that.

[ it's a place that forces their hand in so many ways... how much can it be said that their choices belong to them here, when their only options are bad and worse?

... so on that note. ]

... If we could bring them back. Would you say that everyone should be, no matter what they might or might not have done?

[ some of them have done terrible things, and some of them have intended it. in a place like this, though... ]

... I don't know if I can answer that. Hm... [She rests her hand against a shelf, reaching for an item but not actually taking it.] Or maybe if even if I can?

[Choices...dealing with them...accepting when you can help others find a way to make a different one and when you have to accept what they've chosen...Those complex strands of thought are all still wound around each other.]

I think what I'd like to say is that I'd like to make a world where everyone has the chance to choose differently and ask them if they would.

Is that how it is... I think that sounds reasonable.

[ it's a pity this world ... not just this world. other worlds too, just not in the same way as this one— doesn't grant people those choices. ]

I guess, in that sense, not everyone ... might choose to come back, either. If they were given the choice.

[ there's something in beelzebub's grim resignation that sits uncomfortably in vayne's core. wanting to die— that, too, is a choice, no matter much one might want to try to help that person, or convince them to believe in their own worth.

perhaps if whatever beelzebub was afraid of wasn't an issue ... but, no, that would be a requisite part of the world where everyone has the chance to choose that mio wants, isn't it? but then you start getting so deep into the various details and errata involved in making sure people have the choice... ]

I think some of them might say they were satisfied.

[Not everyone would take the choice if they were given it... Mio remembers Beelzebub's words.

She thinks of Ethel and Cammuravi, given only one way to live and one way to die. They chose how they wanted their lives to end, too. Had they ever learned what drove that desire? It's strange, thinking of it now, to know they spent so much time in Colony 4, while her memory of that time is so short. How they decided to do what they did in the end and call it freedom... she knows they shouldn't have had to. She knows she's one of the people now stewarding their hopes for the future.

Can it be the same for the people she's met here, even not knowing what all of those hopes and dreams were? Who'll do it for her?

Vayne has been silent for a while, which even Mio notices despite her pensive silence.]

You've been thinking about this before today, too, haven't you?

Kind of. ... Sort of. I guess.

[ what people want, the choices they make, what their hearts desire, given the circumstances they're in... ]

Mainly I guess I've been wondering ... what the right thing to do in this situation is. Should we just say, 'they did it because they were wrong, and deserved to die because they were dangerous'? ... Or is it just because we're all scared of each other here, and because this place is terrible ...

That sort of thing. If ... if somehow we got the chance to bring them back, should we just leave some of them? Is that fair?

[ who gets to decide that? their victims? some of the culprits set out to hurt people, and who knows about whether they feel remorse for it. is it fair to bring them back, for their victims to have to face them later? ]

... But it's just wishful thinking, I guess. Since none of us seem to be able to reach our powers here, so...

[ well, he did say he'd give her that explanation if she wants to ask, so he mills around at the hut for a while. maybe he dozes off for a bit, actually, to catch up on his sleep from the night before... surely no one, if they still even wanted to try the blood magic thing, would try anything in such a crowded place.

either way, it's a pensive vayne who studies the flowers in and around the ??? hut in silence even after people presumably filter out. or, if it's too crowded there still, she can run into him on the second floor of the spa later, or something. ]

[It's unlikely many people will want to linger too long after the meeting's concluded, so Mio will find Vayne here again once she's certain he's caught up on at least a little of his missing sleep.

He feels it too, doesn't he? Time spent sleeping is necessary so they'll be at their sharpest, yet every minute passed also seems like a minute wasted.]

I thought you might've been able to get yourself into bed by now.

... honestly, back where I came from, I probably spent as much time sleeping out in odd places in the wilderness as I did in an actual bed.

[ which might sound a little strange, perhaps, depending on whatever image of him anyone's constructed for themselves thus far. or perhaps it's not so surprising in the end. vayne has never been anything but guileless in his time in this place. surely that sort of trait must be eroded, the longer one deals with the trappings of people and society? ]

Which, well ... I'm also used to sneaking in naps where I can. Or sleeping lightly enough to make sure I can be ready to defend myself quickly... It's almost been a little strange that I haven't had to spend a night out in the forest or something, actually, the entire time we've been here.

Was having such a comfortable bed weird for you, too? Trouble is, I could get pretty used to it.

[They've been camping out for so long, coming to the farmhouse with its plush beds and couches and blankets had been almost a comfort overload for Mio. She just can't resist it, though; now, she's almost gotten used to it.]

If only it were so simple. [They both know it isn't more than ever, and Mio isn't about to mince words. She's made sure he's all right, but she's come back to speak frankly about all the things they've needed to discuss probably for a while now.]

I mean, it wasn't the strangest thing, but ...

[ school dormitories have adequate enough housing, but even then the farmhouses had seemed a bit... much. comfortable, soft, cozy. like trying too hard to feel like home, almost.

... it almost seems sad, again. that a place like this...

but there's no point in dwelling on could bes, should bes. aren'ts. ]

... I keep thinking of Adela, sometimes. Trying to figure out if there was any way for us to understand each other. But we aren't ... in a position where we can feel sorry for her, are we?

[That lull makes her think about the homeiness of Corpse Flower Farm and the cozy town by the sea. If things were different, could have they stayed here comfortably? Is this the sort of place that Mio could have lived? They aren't different, of course. This place wants to keep them at the cost of holding their lives back, when most of them have things that are much more important to do. It's just a dream.

Vayne bringing up Adela causes Mio to sober, all chatter about the comforts of a real home pushed to the side.]

I really thought...I might be able to reach her if I could make her see what's made my memories so important. [Even in this, she cannot leave a lasting impression.]

I think we can feel sorry for her if she really means what she says... but we can't forget the harm she's causing. We can't just overlook the damage as much as she'd like us to.

Right. What she might want... and what her actions have done, those are two different things. Even if you don't necessarily intend to hurt anyone, that ... isn't always what actually happens.

[ ... ]

I said earlier... when Baldr did, that I shouldn't exist. I'm guessing you're probably here to ask why, right?

I meant what I said. We only have to talk about it if you want to.

[Baldr'd gotten shot down pretty readily when he offered to throw his life away for the rest of them. She's sure the group would do the same within an instant.]

But if it's something you think might be able to help us, then please - I'd like to know where you're coming from.

... I don't think I meant it exactly the same way as he did. I'll help, of course I will, but... He was willing to offer his life because he didn't think it was worth the same as everyone else, right?

But the way he said it. 'Shouldn't exist.' He shouldn't exist because he thinks he's not meant to. I think it's both more and less simple for me. Right now, I exist... but it might be better for people if I don't. I really haven't been given much reason to think otherwise here.

[ the journals, the history with the Junimo... even faldeus' talk of blood-soaked magic rituals, all the way back at the start of this. ]

Mio. Do you think ... that if the power to grant wishes existed anywhere in the world, in any world ... that people can bring themselves to not fight over it? To not try to hurt each other trying to reach it, trying to force it under their control?

Edited 2024-03-23 04:52 (UTC)

[She listens to every word he has to say, her hand left unmoving from where it's currently keeping her steady against the Joja Mart shelf.

Whatever might have happened to make Vayne feel that way, for it to be something that was only emphasized here, it can't have been anything good. Mio thinks he must have suffered much more than he's let on so far.

He's seen what people are capable of, too, and to someone like her who clings to the hope that humans have so much more to offer, it's a little sobering.]

I'd like to think that people are capable of reaching that point. Is that a little naive of me? It's so hard to know what they'd wish for or why it's so important for them to receive it. Dreams propel us forward; that's what I think. When we don't have a clear path to those dreams, we can become desperate.

How much would it take before they got there? Is it worth letting all of these terrible things happen, just so in the end things might turn out better...? If people do terrible things because of you, does that make you responsible?

[ if your existence drives people to murder each other to try to pursue you, isn't it better for everyone if you remove yourself from the equation? isn't that the obvious solution? ]

I'm not human. I was born... no, I was created because my father wished to die. He'd made a mistake and couldn't live with himself after it, but because he was immortal he created me to grant his wish instead. It was the first thing I ever did. I didn't even remember it for the longest time...

I'm the Mana of Wishes. [ he says it without any amount of pride at all, a quiet melancholy in his words. ] I ... guess other places probably wouldn't know what Mana are. They're beings... that govern the phenomena of the world. A Mana of Water controls water. The Mana of Time manipulates time.

I should be able to grant any kind of wish, mine or others.

[ is he wrong to have concluded what he has from the story of the Junimo and Puffin Town's past? ]

[It's...heavy. It's a huge weight that he's carrying, and Mio doesn't know if she'll actually be able to lift any of it in tandem with him even after he's told her. But she still sits there, hands held placidly, and listens to the entire thing. At the very least, she can understand fully now the loneliness of being born with one sole purpose.

She can't wrap her mind around wishes being a thing that come true on a whim rather than things you carry with you and think you're unlikely to ever see. They're the siblings to hopes and dreams - beautiful, but not to him.]

There are already people after you who would hurt others to get what they want, aren't there? You've already seen what they're willing to do.

... not yet, where I came from. Right now ... most of the people who know, they're just afraid of me. Of what I could do to them if I wanted. One of them— killed someone I care about in order to prove I am what I am.

[ right now, the only people who know are the ones looking at damage control, of putting down a threat to the world before it can become one. his friends might have argued in his favor, but...

they're his friends. of course they would. but if everyone else says and thinks he's a monster who shouldn't exist... they can't all be wrong. besides, he's already killed his father. a genius, a prodigy, nigh immortal, snuffed out, just like that... that kind of power is dangerous, isn't it?

he doesn't even know what he's doing, most of the time. ]

Even if I ignore them, or convince them I don't want to hurt anyone... I don't know how long a secret like this can be kept, if this many people already know. And I want to help people. I don't want to just ... hide away somewhere, and pretend the rest of the world doesn't exist.

If, one day, I find someone who can't be helped the normal way... I don't know what I would do. What I should, what I'm supposed to. And ... hiding hasn't worked for this place and the Junimo anyway.

[ this blood-soaked land, which has seen more death than has been chronicled... ]

Edited 2024-03-27 02:22 (UTC)

nevertheless the people still sketch the flame of their undying lives;

w1, tuesday;

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w2, post trial friday or saturday time is fake;

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xenoblade 3 spoilers

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w3 wednesday some nebulous post meeting;

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sighs in cw mentioned assisted suicide

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